GOD WHERE ARE YOU

Since 2008, apart from the new years of 2012. I welcomed the new year with one tragedy after the other. In all this I have always said "All things work for good for those who love God" I continued to believe and trust in God. When I was young, my parents always taught us  that if you do good, good will be your reward. Oh but life was very quick to show me   that  it was a myth.

Nonetheless, I was told that God loves us even though he watches while we go through the horrors that life that can bring and even though he is  GOD and has the power to destroy mankind with a common thought . I still kept believing. The bible says in all things be thankful and so everytime I prayed, I always made sure to thank God first and then second forgive and be forgiven. As life went on, it was becoming unbearable.

More often than not, I would find myself bursting into tears for no reason other than the fact that the pain just needed to come out some how. As years passed I became more and more consumed with self hate and shame. I was deteriorating by the day and finally with convincing, I got help. I met with a psychologist for five months who forced me to face my past. One thing I learnt from that  is you'll never overcome an event in your life until you acknowledge it and sit in that pain and feel every bit of it. I blamed, I was angry, I was sad , I was in denial and then I accepted and began my healing journey.

Then I felt stable for the first time in a long time. I decided to go back to school. I liked school, proud that I was making something out of my life. The challenges didn't end of course but somehow I had discovered a new way to live in spite of the challenges that kept coming my way.  That same year I decided to give back to God and so I started to work with the youth at a local church. I loved it, I was passionate about it. At one point I felt that this was my calling. So I continued to serve and I must admit it was rewarding.

Many times people were touched by my messages because I spoke from my life experiences. God had taken my shame away and I was new in Christ Jesus. Now just to let you know, I am a Mugisu woman. Anyone who is  Ugandan will tell you we are very outspoken. I will not shy away from giving anybody a piece of my mind.

While serving, I noticed this became an issue for a number of people however I've always believed God didn't make a mistake by giving me such courage. That love and  passion I once had to serve faded with time and eventually serving became a chore and so I decided to let it go. It wasn't for me.

Shortly after I began working full-time, and everything was going as planned. I had a routine that worked. 2016 came and I had big dreams, I was going to to travel to do the things that I had put on hold for a long time. The future looked bright, I was ecstatic.

Come January 15th, the worst had happened. No amount of tears would change it.  Everything I had ever been through couldn't remotely compare to this.  I prayed , I begged God to relieve me of the agony. Suddenly my world was crumbling before my eyes and there was nothing I could do.

Now February 25 exactly one month and 11 days. Lying here, still asking God to show himself. Prove this doctors wrong. With this future that is uncertain and pain that seems everlasting. I'm desperate to hear from GOD.